Becoming a Stay at Home Mom – from a Type A Perspective

I’ve known MJ since middle school — seriously. We are cut out of the same cloth, people! We love to write, we’re avid readers (at least I used to be), and we’re both headstrong, determined, go-getter girls. I was THRILLED to find her on Facebook, and loved that she was blogging. She’s funny as can be, loves all her boys to the ends of the earth, and makes some darn good recipes that even make me want to cook. Go by and visit her, and enjoy her story of her newest adventure!

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On June 26, 2010, in the middle of one of the worst economic recessions this country has ever faced, I made a radical move.

I quit my job.

Until then, I had been a manager for a major chain bookstore (not the one that sucks, the other one), and had held basically the same job for 17 years.  I was pretty good at.  Most days, I even liked it.

But…

With two boys under the age of four at home, a husband who worked long, LONG hours, and increasing time demands from my job, something was at the breaking point.

It was me.

I wanted to be good at everything.  I wanted to be one of those people who can work 60 hour weeks, maintain a well-run household with spotless kitchen floors and well-mannered children, find time to make her husband feel special, and work a little “me” time in besides.

I was failing miserably.  With only a limited amount of energy and time, the thing that was suffering most was my boys.

Simply put, they needed more Mama.

They needed a Mama at home for more than a day or two a week.  A Mama who wasn’t always too tired or too busy to play.  A Mama who was… present.

After going over and over the finances with my husband, we decided we could do it.  But the truth is, there was really no other option.  My boys needed me, so my boys would have me, for better or for worse.

When I gave notice and began to let people know that I would be leaving, the response I got was almost always one of shock, followed by some degree of horror.  ”But what will you DO all day?”  ”Are you really going to be happy with that much down time?”  ”You won’t last a month.”  Apparently, I had a bit of a reputation among my staff for being a bit driven.

I was a little concerned myself.  What WOULD I do all day?  I made plans, set schedules, typed lists, and prepared myself for what I believed would be a smooth transition into another job with people (small people, but still people) to manage and a household to run.  I envisioned organization, order, structure, and precision, because that’s how I had run my bookstore for a decade.

Ummm… not so much.

See, the two boy children who live in my house often have ideas that are not in keeping with my PLAN.  At first, I found myself frustrated because I just couldn’t seem to get anything accomplished.  It made no sense to me.  I had nowhere I had to go and no other responsibilities outside my home, but my house was messier than ever, the laundry wasn’t caught up, the kids mostly ate things from the orange food group, and I often didn’t manage to shower more than a few times a week.

I was convinced that I was living in a time vortex that was stealing all my productive time away.

Then one day a couple months after I quit, zj, my four year old, said out of the blue, “Mama, can we go to the park and then go get ice cream?” I immediately ran through in my mind all the reasons why we could not.  I had laundry in.  It was nearly lunch time.  I had grocery shopping to do.  Cj needed a nap.  But the words that came out of my mouth were “Get your shoes on.”

So we went to the park, because spending the afternoon pushing little boys on the swings while they squealed “Higher Mama!  HIGHER!” and stopping for ice cream on the way home was the single most important thing that I had to do that day.

And that’s the day I started learning how to be a full time, stay at home Mama to two little boys.

It’s been the most incredible learning experience of my life.

Now my days are fairly unstructured.  Sometimes we have things we have to accomplish, but my to-do lists and the unnecessary pressure and unrealistic standards are long gone.  We usually have enough laundry to get us through, everybody eats sometime, and we pick the toys up occasionally.

My husband says I’m more relaxed now than I ever have been in the nearly 20 years that he’s known me.

I feel it, too.

Occasionally, I think I might stab my left eye out if I have to pretend to be Catwoman to zj’s Batman for one more minute, but the urge usually passes after a minute or two.

Now, whenever cj runs up to me with a book yelling “Wead, Mama!” I put down what I’m doing and read.

And sometimes, whenever we feel like it, we go to the park and stop for ice cream on the way home.

MJ is a recovering bookseller and a stay at home Mama to two little boys.  She sometimes pretends that she is a runner, but really she only likes the cute clothes.  Other times, she pretends that she’s a gourmet chef, a famous writer, and a stand up comedian.  Most of these things are semi-believable after a drink or three.  Also, she occasionally blogs at 154 Hidden Court and wastes an insane amount of time on Twitter, but only when she’s not busy pretending to be Catwoman.

Related posts:

1. There’s no place like home …..
2. We’re HOME!!!!
3. Stay Tuned!

Tagged as: family, friends, guest posting, motherhood, parenting