In order not to have the rump the size of China, and to set forth a good example for my children, I’m back in the gym on a consistent basis.
Insert applause here.
During my quest for ultimate fitness, I’ve noticed people having some difficulty in following the cardinal rules of the gym. Maybe a review would be helpful.
1. Wear a Supportive Bra
Trust me on this. There’s nothing more painful to watch than a woman blessed with bosom, bouncing around all over the place. Sports bra, now please.
2. Can the Cell Phone
I find it very hard to believe that chatting on the cell phone, or even texting while you work out has any additional calorie burning benefits. You’re only on the elliptical machine for thirty minutes. Put the phone away, please.
3. Stop the Scents
My friend Evolving Mommy shared her gym pet peeve with me via Twitter:
I have a gym rule for you. Do NOT wear cologne, perfume or scented lotion, or you will gag the people around you.
4. Clean up After Yourself
Your mother doesn’t work at the gym, and even if she did, she shouldn’t be expected to clean up your sweat off the weight machines. See those squirt bottles at every trash can? They are filled with disinfectant — spray off the machine, and wipe it down. Everyone will thank you.
And while we’re on the topic ….
5. Deodorant – It Does a Body Good
You’re going to the gym to exercise. Common sense says you’re probably going to sweat — maybe a little, or maybe a lot. Be kind to your fellow gym members, and take a shower before you come in. Bonus points awarded for wearing proper amounts of deodorant.
6. Stop the Stalking
True story. I’m at the gym, and sat down to use the abdominal machine. Middle aged, chubby, sweaty balding guy comes over and stands by the machine. I ignore him, as I had just started the torture routine. He stands beside the machine, watching, and attempting to make small talk — throughout the entire 150 repetition period. You really can’t be any more obnoxious.
7. Don’t be a Hog
An equipment hog, that is. I’ve been confronted before by folks who told me, “I was about to use that”, when I’m getting ready to sit down on a machine. Seriously? In most gyms, there’s always more than one way to skin a cat — in other words, it’s probably NOT the only chest press/ab machine/low row in the entire building. Lighten up.
8. Get over the Grunting
Luckily, I’m not over in the ‘heavyweight’ section very often at all. I do my fair share of weight training, but I use the machines, instead of the free weights.
I’m still within earshot of the muscle-bound minions — you know, the ones who think they are Arnold Schwarzenegger, and grunt like a rhino in heat with every repetition? Yuck.
9. Fit Fashionistas?
I like to look cute when I go to the gym, in my Nike shorts (left over from my days of playing tennis), or my Adidas top. What I can’t understand are those women who come to the gym in full makeup and proceed to work out. Maybe something is wrong with my genes, but when I’m at the gym, I’m sweating. Makeup would be pointless.
Oh, and speaking of pointless — the Ed Hardy trucker cap, pulled down over your eyes? I just don’t get it.
10. Don’t Worry, Be Happy
This one is for the gym staff. There are many days when I check in at the front desk, and the staff seem to be big sourpusses. Honestly? How hard can it be to scan a member’s badge, and be friendly about it? Endorphins are supposed to make you happy, so maybe these folks aren’t exercising.
What about you? Do you have a pet peeve, or a gym faux pas that I’ve failed to mention? Don’t forget to leave a comment.
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