This week’s Question of the Week is:
Do you think parents of multiples are more likely to become divorced? Why or why not?
- What aspect of parenting multiples have you found to be the most difficult as it pertains to maintaining a relationship?
- How do you maintain a healthy marriage/relationship?
- If you were to give one piece of advice to a couple who just found out they were pregnant with multiples on how to stay happy together, what would it be?
- Do you think the MOST study is accurate?
Boy, this question is a doozy!
As a woman who has lived through a divorce, I had ‘heard’ that parents of multiples were more likely to be divorced. Of course, this was probably via Jon&Kate gossip mills, so I’m not sure if anyone should put any stock in it.
Being ‘divorced experienced, I’d say that health of the overall relationship has a lot to do with the survival of a marriage. In other words, if the foundation is solid, it has a lot better chance of weathering some storms. I have two friends in real life who are mothers of twins, and their marriages are one of the most rock solid ones I’ve witnessed.
In my own marriage, the most difficult aspect of having twins is the lack of sleep, which leads me to be even more short tempered than normal. Chronic sleep deprivation is by far my primary complaint about parenting my boys. I asked Brett this question, and his answer was:lack of sleep, lack of privacy.
How do we maintain a healthy marriage? First and foremost: a whole lot of prayer. My husband and I understand that our small children need us in a very physical way right now, and some things with us just have to wait. Having said that, I think that the single greatest gift I can give my children is my relationship with Brett. It’s something to give them peace, and security, as well as a role model to emulate later in life. We’re getting better about scheduling dates, as well as alone time, and I’m trying to reconnect in little ways — fixing coffee, leaving notes, filling the car up with gas — just something to let him know I’m thinking about him. Also, I’m making more time to take care of myself — happy momma means happy household.
If someone called me up, and told me that they were pregnant with twins, after telling them congratulations, I would encourage them to spend time together, alone, before the babies arrive. I actually gave this advice to my friend Leia, since Brett and I were not able to do this. Get away for the weekend, and just enjoy each other, before your life changes in ways you can’t even imagine. I asked Brett to answer this question —- guess what he said?
Brett: I would lie and tell them everything is going to be wonderfully terrific.
I pressed him on this question, and he said he would tell people what they wanted to hear. If they were a ‘sunshine and roses’ kind of person, he’d give them the good stuff. If they were a bit more pragmatic, he’d be a bit more realistic.
I was not familiar with the MOST Study, until this question was presented. I checked out the results, and I’m nonplussed. I’m not a stats expert, but I do know that they can be manipulated easily. In this study, the divorce rate was very low …. but these were also moms who were answering, all over 30. I’d love to think that the divorce rate was as small as this study touted, but I’m also honest enough to admit that having twins is a huge strain on marital relationships.
Check out Multiples and More, and see what other moms had to say.
Check out Multiples and More, and see what other moms had to say.
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