Yee hah! Time for another Writer’s Workshop!!
1.) Your trip to the ER…spill it.
I’m taking the ‘trip to the ER’, and putting a different spin on it. As an Emergency Room nurse, I see a lot of crazy stuff ….. cat bite to the penis, laceration to the penis, drunk dude who cut off part of his finger after he was working with a table saw, etc. (these were all within the past 3 weeks!) I’ve come up with a brief list of behaviors that would make your stay in the ER a bit more pleasant ….. for you, as well as for the medical staff.
Top Ten Patient Behaviors Requested by Emergency Room Personnel:
10. Fly Solo
You are not Adrian Grenier, and you do not have an Entourage. There is no need to call Grandma, and all of your aunts and uncles. It would also be advisable to have someone else come and cover for the eight neighborhood children you are watching this day. Please limit your posse to one person only.
Nursing is definitely a hard job! If you’re up for the challenge, be sure and check out this resource for online nursing classes.
9. Write It Down, or Rx for Success
Go, make haste to your medicine cabinet. Write down all of the medication you are taking, along with dosages. If you are having difficulty, call your pharmacy. I feel sure that they can provide you with a printout of your most recent prescriptions they have filled. Of course, if you pharmacy shop, this may take a while. Once you have established a list, keep it in your wallet.
I do not have a PDR in my brain. When you tell me you take a ‘little white pill, you know, it’s for my blood pressure’, you might as well be telling me you take crack. Which brings me to my next entry ……
8. No, I’m Not Calling the Cops
When we ask you about illicit drug use, be honest. This includes the hydrocodone you filched/borrowed off your girlfriend. Urine drug tests give us answers pretty quickly, but there are some drugs that we need to know upfront, so that we know how to treat you. Oh, and if you’ve used drugs recently, you can bet you won’t be getting any narcotic pain meds.
By the way, we HAVE to call the police if you bring drugs in the building. Be smart.
7. Say It Again, Sam
Yes, you will have to tell multiple people why you are here — this does not mean we are idiots, it’s called ‘gathering a history’. I’m sorry you have to tell at least 3 people why you decided to visit the ER, but this is a part of our job.
6. Sorry, No Consolation Prizes
The minimal amount of supplies/equipment in each examination room is to help us take care of patients. These items are not parting gifts, or “just part of my bill”. Please, leave the alcohol pads, lubrication packets, saline filled syringes and rubber gloves where they lie.
5. Watch Your Mouth!
I know you are in pain, but dropping the F bomb to the triage nurse DOES NOT get you seen by the physician any faster. In fact, it probably warrants a call to Security. Treat the staff with respect, please. We’re the ones taking care of you.
4. EMS=Express Lane?
Not exactly. If you come into the facility in an ambulance, you will still be seen by a triage nurse, who will make the decision where to place you — in an exam room, or in the waiting room, depending on the severity of your condition. Please ‘save’ the ambulances for people who honestly need one.
3. But I Was Here First!!
Sorry. ERs differ from doctors’ offices in a variety of ways. First and foremost, we see people based on their clinical severity, not the time of arrival …. meaning that the man with chest pain, as well as the small child having difficulty breathing will be seen before you. I’m sorry that you’ve had abdominal pain for 3 weeks, and I will get to you as quickly as I can.
2. Pregnancy testing 101
If you are of childbearing age, have missed a period, had sex, and taken 6 home pregnancy tests that were positive, there is an incredibly high likelihood that you are indeed pregnant. Coming to the ER for a pregnancy test is pretty expensive, as compared to EPT costs.
1. Personal hygiene
Daily bathing, while not required to live, should rank pretty high in your life. Kind of like eating and sleeping.
Want more advice? Don’t miss Part Two!
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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Dianna,
You literally have me laughing as I fall out of the chair. Thanks girl! I needed that. I knew there was more than one reason why I dont want to work ER. The idiots of the world all come there on a daily basis! Keep writing. I think you could write books or have your own show! Thats the ticket, a reality show.
Take care!
Tina
Dianna,
You are so funny and you sure don’t mince your words. Wonder where you got that from???? hmmmmm
I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard the one about the little white pill or in some cases the little yellow pill – it’s for my heart.
Enjoy reading your blog.
Love you.
Granny
Twitter: diannakennedy
August 18, 2010 at 5:07 am
Oh, how funny is the avatar for this comment — like we should keep quiet!
Love you bunches and bunches!
People never stop amazing me. A trip to the ER for a pregnancy test? I would never had thought it possible.
Have a wonderful SITS Day! Enjoy the comment love today.
Twitter: pameloth
October 25, 2010 at 8:43 am
I loved this! My dad is a semi-retired doctor who works in a rural county Emergency Room now, and the stories he tells. You guys — hats off to you!
Visiting from SITS — happy SITS day
GREAT list. My 3 roommates in college were training to be RN’s, so I have GREAT respect for nurses and what you do!
They used to love to gross me out by showing me pictures of the disgusting conditions in their medical text books. I was the squeamish one in the house. haha
Congratulations on being featured on SITS!
Oh, my – you have seen it all! God bless nurses!
jeanne @ Inspiring Ideas recently posted..Harvest Blessings & Giveaway Winner!
Visiting here from SITS! Great post! Funny but very helpful at the same time!
I have 6 kids so I have had to visit the ER quite a few times! I am sure that there will be more times, especially with a skateboarding son with no fear!
Have an awesome day!
Heather L. @ Starving Artist’s Wife recently posted..Scam or Not A Scam That Is The Question When It Comes To Work-At-Home Opportunities
I have never been to the ER, hope I never have reason to go, but if I do I will remember these hilarious, yet helpful, tips!
Teresha@ Marlie and Me recently posted..Baby Log- 1 Year and 10 Weeks Old
Twitter: BestofFates
October 25, 2010 at 11:29 am
Hilarious! And on the other side, when I assure someone I’m not pregnant, I’m really not. By the fifth time you ask, I’m just annoyed.
Congrats on your SITS day – you totally deserve it!
LOL…my sister works in an ER, so I sent this to her. I know she will get a total kick out of it.
Traci recently posted..Review- Who is in Charge Anyway Max Lucados Hermie & Friends DVD
Twitter: mommywords
October 25, 2010 at 12:18 pm
This had me laughing and is all so true! The ER must provide with tons of stories just fromw hat I have seen in the waiting rooms and in the treatment rooms?
Want to get seen really quicky…go into the ER 8 months pregnant in a white shirt covered with blood holding your 18 month old child who is bleeding from his eye…profusely. When I drove up to the check in gate they took me car and parked it for me!
Brittany at Mommy Words recently posted..Inspiration from a Hot Air Balloon
I’ve only been to the ER once and I totally agree with you on the entourage thing. I just took my mum and I’m glad that she was there. When I got there, there was a family of 8 with a baby who was apparently sick – everyone in the family looked sicker than the baby! Six and 1/2 hours later when I was leaving, the family was still there. I know in my city, there is something called healthlink and they can help you with less serious situations.
Thanks for the advice and happy SITS Day!
Christine recently posted..Bean’s Attempt at Gluten Free Pad Thai
Hahahaha, love it. I’m dreading DREEEEAAAADING my first trip to the ER with my daughter, but I know it’s going to happen eventually. I think my mom’s first trip with me wasn’t until I was 12, so there’s that to hope for. I actually can’t believe some of the weird behavior we saw in those ERs when I was little. It’s like, hey, sit down, relax, and wait your turn.
Congrats on your SITS day, and this was an excellent choice to share. Thanks to TheJammieGirl for sending me over here with a good Tweet.
Along with the blood and the needles these are all also good reasons for me to not be a nurse.
Jennifer recently posted..Great sponsors help make a great conference
This post was RIGHT on the money and brought me back to my ER days. I used to work there but ran away. The drunk proposal’s got a little too much for me.
Stopping by from SITS. My DH has a chronic illness, and #9 is so important, even if you don’t end up in the ER. Just seeing a new doctor or switching pharmacies means you’ve got to know everything you’re on. As for #2…wow. Just, wow. How stupid to think a pregnancy test is an emergency.
I’m sorry I misssed this earlier. I loved this post! I always tell myself that I can’t possibly be the worst person you all have ever seen…although I did feel really bad for the poor person who had to sew up a huge gash on my unshaven leg when I was 8 months pregnant. sorry (to you all).
Angie recently posted..I know Im stressed when
Too funny! I am in the ER ALL the time since I have 4 wild dudes. So I thought this post was pretty funny. I’ve been to the ER so much I’m actually waiting for my “frequent flyer” dicount!!
I’m here from SITS- congrats on your day!!!!!!!
My sister was an ER nurse for more years than she would like me to say. I volunteered to see if I could do it (wanted to be like my big sister) but I struggled with the sight of blood and other gory things you see in the ER. My hat is off to you!
lynn hahn recently posted..Food You Eat And Foods You Taste
Oh my gosh. I can’t believe you actually deal with some of this stuff!! Happy SITS Day!
Kristine recently posted..Its almost the 30th- want to see what were up to
Twitter: diannakennedy
October 26, 2010 at 12:41 pm
It’s amazing, but I seriously cannot make this stuff up!
The last one is the best! You’d think this was a no-brainer, but I guess not
Twitter: diannakennedy
October 26, 2010 at 12:18 pm
I’m truly amazed at some of the things I see there, and just shake my head!
#4 is SO true!!! My husband is a 911 operator and too many people call for an ambulance when it’s not necessary. If you have an emergency call 911, if you need a ride call a taxi!!!
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